Setting Boundaries
One of the most difficult things I have learned in my life has been to set boundaries. Don’t let me fool you either. This has been a very recent evolution in my personal and professional development. I have a history of saying yes to everyone and everything. My fault has alway been to extend myself to please others. To limit my own time to add to the time of others. In many cases, to neglect my own personal needs in the attempt to make others happy.
The truth is, many of us have a tough time drawing a line in the sand that makes a clear distinction between our needs and the “perceived” needs of others. So many of us are geared to please. We are wired to provide and give and lend…and kill ourselves in the pursuit of pleasing anyone other than ourselves. We don’t set boundaries. We draw no lines. What we fail to realize is the negative effect this type of consistent behavior has on us, both physically and mentally. This extended draining of oneself can have a lasting effect that will deteriorate our ability to live as healthy, fully functioning adults.
How many of you can create a laundry list of complaints that is littered with work obligations, child commitments, caring for others, pleasing neighbors, appeasing family, and generally anything that takes time from yourself? Who told you that you were some kind of superhero who could do everything? Is that what you think you are? These questions should help you realize that perhaps you have built an inflated view of yourself. You’ve fooled yourself into believing that you could – and should – do it all. For once, give yourself permission to not be perfect. All you have to do is say “no”. Set boundaries in your life. Your decisions will become clearer. You will no longer be driven simply by what is expected of you. I’ve only recently learned just how liberating saying “no” can be. It has freed me up to focus on my life’s most important aspects. I love my wife. I love my kids. And I am starting to love my life. I wish you all the same.
Brad Bullington
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